2013 is here and I have a sudden urge to change my personal style…

I consider my character to be quite tomboyish, but being a ‘tomboy’ is more about an inner attitude rather than the sexual orientation or appearance, and often people get confused by this term. Even when I was young, I hated wearing dresses or anything in pink, and I longed to be like the boys. During my teenage years, I wasn’t interested in boys from neighbouring schools, make-up nor other ‘girly’ activities, and so other girls at my all girl school started spreading rumour about my sexual orientation. This was extremely distressing for a 14/15 year old, and so I felt pressurised to conform, yet I never felt comfortable with it. When I eventually became one of the few female 6th form students in a boy school, I felt quite at home there. Finally I felt like I was one of the boys/lads and I had the best two years of my life there!

Then I went through a rebellious period in my mid 20s, and intentionally created an androgynous look with very short spiky hair and wearing mostly black/dark unisex outfits. I hung out with lesbian colleagues (I worked in the world of advertising!) or people who dressed similar as me. This made people wonder about my sexual orientation (again), it amused me but didn’t bother me much. I felt good about my ambiguous image, this was my quiet protest against the society’s mainstream/ stereotypical image of women.

Are you what you wear?

I am lucky that I have never had to work in a corporate environment, so I have always been able to dress for myself, but problems began to arise when I took up tango a few years ago. In the world of tango, how you dress definitely affects the chances of being asked to dance. I constantly felt out of place because I have never dressed to impress others/men before. Surrounded by women in seductive or glamourous outfits striving to catch the eyes of the opposite sex at milongas made me feel like I have been transported to a few centuries back in time. As much as I love the dance, the sexist and egocentric environment is a constant struggle that my strong-minded female friends and I have to deal with. Most of friends eventually gave up, while I continued to find ways to survive without feeling that I have betrayed myself! Recently, I started to switch role; learning to dance as a leader is very challenging but at least I don’t have to sit around all night ‘eyeing up’ men to ask me to dance. Meanwhile, I am also seeing more women leaders on the dance floor, which I think this is a healthier sign.

From what I observe through tango in different cosmopolitan cities made me realise that gender equality is still far from being a reality. I do not intend to compete with men, but I feel that women do not deserve enough respect from men and the society. When I heard about a poor young woman being gang raped on a bus in India; not only it triggered my anger and empathy, it also made me wonder if sexual objectification of women will ever end? I sincerely hope that her tragic death would eventually bring about positive changes in India, but as always, collective effort/ consciousness is needed to make a real impact.

You can sign the petition (on the link below) to the government of India to help end violence against women at Avaaz.org.

As an independent woman living in the West, I feel lucky that I have never had to ‘work’ on pleasing the opposite gender, but I have also experienced being ‘objectified’ in the past which utterly disgusted me. I know that many women still associate femininity and confidence with what they wear, yet I firmly believe it is an inner quality that should shine beyond what you wear.

As we get older, it’s not always easy to stay completely true to yourself, there are times when we have to conform or compromise for one reason or another. So if fashion is a personal statement or expression, then we should use this opportunity to stay true to ourselves and not dress for other people (this excludes religious dress codes). One of my new year’s resolutions is to strive to be as honest to myself as possible, which is easier said than done.

As for my new look in 2013, I will say goodbye to my hair and welcome the return of the less feminine short hair again. However, I no longer feel the need to create an image or make a statement because comfort is my priority these days, and I will continue to live by the motto – dress for yourself.